


The Scream That Went Unheard

by etoilecourageuse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood, Gen, Imprisonment, Insanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-01 21:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5221253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/etoilecourageuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The door would remain locked for as long as Narcissa lived.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Scream That Went Unheard

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you _so_ much to my favourite mod duo for hosting this amazing fest and, as always, your never-ending patience with me. Lots of thanks also to my darlings Kristine and Crystal for the wonderful beta-work, the cheering, yelling, and general constant support!

The door to her room was locked. Of course it was, had been locked for weeks, months, and would remain locked as long as she lived, denying her the privilege to step outside, to move, to breathe. She had no chance of escaping, no matter how much she desired to leave at times, not even in her dreams. Her nightmares. There was nothing but darkness surrounding her, nothing but silence, as it was silence that had become her constant companion. Silence… Darkness… Solitude.

The door to her room was locked. Narcissa had long ceased to believe that one day she would be free again, liberated from this place forever, that one day it would be over at last… She had long ceased to hope, had long ceased to scream. What would it do to scream, but conjure more demons, torment her even further? What would it do but cause her more unspeakable agony, what would it do but bring her more despair, more…? Nothing. Nothing at all.

She had long ceased to scream, had ceased to cry in the moment she had realised that she was trapped, trapped forever, made a prisoner in her own home. Home… This was no longer her home, because how could it be, how could it be anything but her prison? How could she consider this place her home any longer if it was so full of shadows, so full of terrors and despair?

The door to her room was locked, the windows sealed by magic, and Narcissa no longer attempted to open it, no longer touched the handle in the foolish belief that it might have been a mistake, no longer cried for help, no longer looked for her wand to liberate her from what had become her cage. Her wand… Her wand was gone, had been taken from her and broken apart in the moment the door was closed permanently, in the moment she had been deprived of her freedom, her magic, her entire life.

“You will not leave this room,” her mother had whispered as she conjured the darkest of spells upon her daughter’s room, her voice barely audible yet cold as ice, her expression cruel. Her features had hardened, were no longer gentle, no longer familiar, but terrifying. “Nobody will find you here… You will not bring any shame upon us… Not you… You will not leave this room… You won’t be lost, your honour won’t be lost…”

Her mother… Her own mother had… It still seemed impossible to believe at times.

Druella Black was a woman feared by many, yet Narcissa had never understood the reason, had always adored her, strived to be so much like her, to possess a mere part of her endless strength… _Maman_ , she had called her so lovingly, had admired her so beyond belief, savouring each moment within her presence and never growing weary of looking at her, merely looking at her in her endless beauty that would never fade.

How could she possibly be feared when in truth she was so kind, strict and yet so tender toward her daughters? How? What fools these people were, Narcissa had come to think more than once, nearly laughing at the imagination… Until one day, one night had changed everything. Until one night she had come to realise how frightening her mother was, indeed.

Her mother… Her own mother…

It had happened so fast, so suddenly... Narcissa’s memory of that fateful night was fading with every day, every moment passing, no matter how desperately she attempted to remember, to keep her thoughts from blurring… And yet she still saw her, still saw her mother right there in front of her, eyes wild as though insanity had fully taken hold of her, heavily breathing and never ceasing to whisper, never ceasing to… She had taken her daughter’s hand nearly violently, pulling her into her bedroom so full of grim determination as though she were driven by an invisible force, as though…

Narcissa had not understood, had screamed, cried, implored her to stop, to tell her the reason why and to stop, had for the first time in her life attempted to escape, to escape from her mother’s grip, digging her nails into her flesh so deeply that she could feel blood trickle down her fingers… But it felt as though any strength had been taken from her, as though… It had happened so fast.

_You will not leave this room. You will not be lost…_

What had overcome her mother in such a way, what had caused her to believe…? It had happened so fast. She had changed so fast, had overwhelmed her so… Everything had fallen apart so fast.

Mother would not speak to her, would scarcely deign to look at her in the moments she came to her room to bring her fresh meals, would silence her daughter’s despairing pleas with merely a wave of her hand, a threatening, terrifying gesture. She would scarcely deign to look at her and yet Narcissa could see how much the past weeks had caused her to age, could see how beautiful she was still, but how different. This was no longer her mother, no longer Druella Black…

If only she would speak… If only she would explain, if only… If only she would let her go.

The door to her room was locked. But at times Narcissa dreamed, dreamed of her sisters… How long had it been since she had last seen her sisters… Bellatrix had left years ago and never looked back after marrying a man she scarcely knew, a man she despised, and Andy…

Andy. Andromeda. Of course… How could she have been so blind? How could she have been so blind, so foolish, closing her eyes to the truth and not realising…? How could she…? It had been Andy, Andy’s betrayal that had taken her dear mother from her, that had turned her heart into stone, as she had been incapable of handling the agony. How could she have been so blind?

She had left. Andromeda had left in secret, had turned her back on her family and left, betraying them all by wedding _him_ , a… Narcissa dared not finish her thought, shivered with disgust and anger as at last she remembered. She had left… Andy had left that night, had done the unspeakable, destroyed a bond they had once believed to be indestructible and caused them such pain… She had left.

How angry she had been at first. How angry Narcissa had been at her sister, and yet how quickly her anger had given way to fear, to despair, as her mother had… It had been Andy. Of course it had been Andy. How could she have been so foolish, how could she have allowed herself to forget? It had been Andy… It had been…

“Narcissa.”

The sound of her name caused her to scream. She had not realised that the door to her bedroom had opened, had not heard her mother’s steps, had not noticed her… Until she spoke, spoke to her for the first time since… She spoke, Mother spoke… Truly… She spoke, and did not sound at all like herself. 

“Mother…” Narcissa breathed, hoarsely, her heart palpitating wildly within her chest. She dared not cross her gaze at first, dared not look up, her entire body trembling… How afraid she was, afraid of the woman she had once loved more than anyone else in this world… The woman she was foolish enough to love still, to be concerned about, even after all she had done.

“Didn’t I forbid you to ever speak out her name?”

Her mother’s voice was as sharp as steel, cutting through the air like a dagger’s blade, and only slowly Narcissa began to realise the meaning of her words, only slowly she began to realise that she had been murmuring to herself, speaking out Andromeda’s name over and over again as though it could help her understand what she had done, as though…

Finally, she raised her head, weakly, wearily, frightened, looking at her mother for a mere second and nearly screaming once more. How cold her eyes had become, how empty… And yet, yet there was something else within her face, the merest hint of an expression that seemed so strangely familiar…

How much she disgusted herself. How much it disgusted her to still feel the desire within her to understand, to speak to her as she had once spoken to her, and to help… Help… Why should she help her? Why should she help the woman who had hurt her so beyond belief, who had taken everything from her at a stride, punishing her for her sister’s betrayal in the cruellest of ways? Why should she worry about her, why? Shouldn’t she be angry, so beyond angry, shouldn’t she despise her mother for what she had done, shouldn’t she fear her, as she seemed capable of anything, anything at all? Of course she feared her…

“Why?” she wanted to ask once more, wanted to take her hands and once more implore her to tell her why, once more beg her to… Why? Why hadn’t she trusted her, why hadn’t she granted them both the chance to grieve the loss of Andy, together? Why hadn’t she…? A punishment… It was a punishment… To break down in such an unspeakable way, and to punish her youngest daughter, as though she were afraid to lose her, too, as though the fear had taken her senses from her, causing her to lose not only her daughters but herself, truly, fully…

_You will not leave this room. You will not be lost._

The way she had spoken to her that night, her voice trembling, the way she had… There seemed to be such agony inside of her, such despair she was incapable of giving voice to, such endless despair… Narcissa could have given her solace, she could have given her such comfort! Hadn’t their relationship always been special? Hadn’t they always understood each other, even without words? Hadn’t they always…? She could have given her solace! But now? Now it was too late. Now, everything was too late.

“Let me go…” Narcissa murmured, not realising that she spoke at last, no longer in control of her own voice, her own speech. “Let me go, Mother… Please… I won’t leave like Andy, I promise… I won’t leave… I won’t run away, I would never… Let me go…”

The sudden grip about her wrist caused her to wince in pain, to gasp for breath, to instinctively attempt to pull back her arm, suddenly frightened... But it was to no avail. Mother’s strength was astonishing, the fury at her daughter’s words glistening within her eyes, yet there was something else, something… There was sadness. Such sadness… Narcissa trembled.

“You will not leave this room,” Mother whispered once more, beginning to repeat her words over and over again as though she had gone into a trance, as though again she had withdrawn into her own world and left this reality, allowing her mind to fully drift away. This was not her mother… This was not Druella Black… This was not her mother. “You will not leave this room, Narcissa… And you will never mention her name again. Do you understand? You will never mention her name again! Never!”

Mother raised her voice, began to yell and for the first time Narcissa understood, understood that she seemed not to realise what she was doing, what she had done to her, how much she had hurt her… She did not realise, Mother did not realise! She had never realised.

Burning shame overcame Narcissa with a sudden force, hitting her like a hot ocean’s wave as for the first time in all those weeks she truly saw her, truly saw her mother, 

_Maman_ … She had never realised… So how dare she? How dare Narcissa be angry, how dare she allow herself to lose control, too, when her mother needed such help, such support, when she seemed broken, truly? How dare she? She had never realised… What a fool she had been… What a fool!

“Mother…” she breathed, dared not raise her voice as her mother had, dared not frighten her. “ _Maman…_ Let me go… Let me help you… Please…”

Nothing. Nothing at all. Mother did not respond, merely released her grip at last and shook her head, nearly silently beginning to once again conjure spells upon the room, turning away from her daughter mere moments later to again leave her behind, alone. All alone. Narcissa shivered as she saw it then from the corner of her eye, for only a split second. There was a tear, rolling down her mother’s cheek.

*

Sleep did not come easily to Narcissa that night and yet she had no memory of when she had last slept, truly, of when she had last been capable of merely closing her eyes and fading into a dream.

The darkness would conjure spectres of her mother tonight, showing her images of the woman she had once been, and also of Andy, Andy who had been so pale as she left, whose eyes had been empty, empty as Mother’s…

Pale. She had been so pale… Hadn’t Narcissa seen her, mere moments before she had left? Hadn’t she spoken to her, suspicious already, hadn’t she…? Was it this Mother blamed her for? That she had not attempted to hold her back, that she had not attempted to keep her from going, was it this she was now receiving punishment for, was it…? What could she have done, what could she possibly have done to convince her to stay? Andy… Andromeda… She had been so stubborn, had always been so stubborn, would not have stayed, Narcissa would not have had a chance, would never have succeeded… How could her mother hold her responsible for such a thing if she, too, knew that…?

But she had tried to stop Andy. Narcissa remembered, remembered all of a sudden that she had attempted to hold her sister back, of course she had, had spoken to her, implored her not to go, to think of her family, had reached out for her and… She… She had attempted to hold her back.

Narcissa screamed, screamed in a way she had never screamed before, screamed as so suddenly the full memory of the night returned to her, uttering wordless cries of terror and nearly choking, screamed still as Mother long entered her room, eyes wide with horror and grief, wrapping her arms about her daughter’s body to hold her, to soothe her, to protect her from the demons that had so suddenly come to haunt her, to be fully Mother again, fully _Maman_ …

Of course… Of course Narcissa had attempted to hold her back, of course… Andy… Of course she had attempted to hold her back, and they had fought, Andromeda having raised her voice, yelling, and Narcissa quiet, desperate to keep up her composure… Of course she had attempted to hold her back!

She had never meant for this to happen… She had never meant for this to happen! Blood… There had been so much blood… Blood everywhere…

“Narcissa…”

Only from far away could she hear Mother’s voice, so quiet, so gentle… Gentle… When had she last been gentle, when had she last spoken to her in such a way, when had she last held her, truly? When?

She did not deserve it. Narcissa did not deserve her tenderness, did not deserve her love! She did not deserve it, deserved nothing, nothing at all…. Blood… There had been so much blood… Andy… They had fought… They…

How angry they both had been that night, Andromeda crying out reproaches of carelessness, lovelessness, and Narcissa… Narcissa… What had she done? What had she done!

Andy had wanted to get away from her, had wanted to turn her back on her sister, had wanted to leave and never to return, was going to put such endless sorrow, such endless shame upon her family, was going to commit an unspeakable betrayal… Hadn’t Narcissa merely attempted to hold her back? Hadn’t she…? She had been so angry, so angry! But it had been her fault… It all had been her fault…

Andy… Andy had attempted to explain, had calmed down and attempted to explain, had reached out her arm to touch her sister, to embrace her… But Narcissa had pushed her back, had been too hurt to look at her, too hurt to realise what she was doing… She had pushed her back, had caused her to lose her balance, had caused her to stumble… She had pushed her! It had been her fault, it all had been her fault! She had pushed her… Blood… There had been so much blood… Andromeda had cried out in terror as she fell, her head hitting the ground with a disgusting cracking noise, and yet Narcissa had seemed paralysed, paralysed for only a split second but it was too long, far too long. She had awoken from her trance when it had been too late to catch her… There had been so much blood… So much blood! It had been her fault, it all had been her fault! Blood…

“Narcissa… Cissy…”

Again, Mother’s voice, again so soft, so… Mother… She had saved her… She had saved her from certain death, had saved her from the Dementors… Had saved her from herself. It was her… It had always been her, it was… She had saved her, taken her wand from her and… She had saved her.

It was not cruelty that had driven her actions, not insanity that had marked her face but torment, nothing but pure torment, pure grief and love, such unconditional love… She had saved her… It had been Narcissa… It had always been her, her who had lost herself, who had… It had been her…

Mother had watched them, had watched them from afar, had gotten there too late, stumbling towards her daughter and dragging her away, away from Andy’s body so quickly, away from what she had done… She knew, knew that it had been an accident, knew that the Dementors would be oblivious to the truth, that Azkaban would… She knew everything! And she had saved her… She had saved her by what to Narcissa had felt like a punishment, an action of… She had saved her. 

It was not cruelty that had driven her actions… She had never been cruel…

It felt as though hours had passed when Narcissa’s cries fell silent at last, when she collapsed against her mother’s body, heavily breathing and exhausted, so beyond exhausted, so drained… It felt as though hours had passed and still the memories haunted her as if they were fresh, still she remembered the true happenings of the night, still she seemed incapable of pulling away, of…

_You will not leave this room. You will not be lost._

This was not her punishment… She had never been punished except by her own mind, her own fall into the abyss of darkness, had never been punished by Mother… Never. The Dementors would have come for her by dawn at latest, she knew, would have pulled her away from her mother, never to see her again, would have… It had never been _Maman_ in such need of help, in such a terrifying state of deliriousness. It had never been _Maman_ who… How ashamed she was… How ashamed Narcissa was of her anger, her assumptions… How much she despised herself.

She had saved her… Mother had saved her and yet Narcissa had never realised, not for a minute, not for a second, had broken down within her room and cried, screamed until her voice dried out, until unconsciousness took her. When she had awoken, her memory had faded. When she had awoken, she had remembered nothing, nothing at all, had looked into her mother’s empty eyes and not realised that all she could see in the abstracted expression was her own reflection.

This time, _Maman_ did not release her until morning, so gently lowering her body into her pillows and looking at her, looking at her with nothing but sorrow, nothing but love. Nausea seemed to overwhelm Narcissa and she shivered, shivered at her mother’s kindness that she had so misjudged, that in her delirium she had failed to recognise, that she was certain she would fail to recognise once more in the moment she allowed herself to sleep, and to awaken. Soon again, her memory would fade, soon again she would blame her, would blame her mother for everything that had happened, for the pain, the sorrow… Soon again her memory would fade.

 _Maman_ seemed nearly hesitant as she rose from the bed in silence, reaching for her wand and sighing, seemed nearly hesitant as for a moment she closed her eyes… She opened her mouth to speak, to apologise, to explain what for all those weeks she had refused to explain… But Narcissa understood. At last she understood and nodded, silently nodded, for the first time holding her mother’s gaze as she began to whisper the spells.


End file.
